#5: Tiny Hammer Game 3 - Badlands Beatdown

After my significant crushing by ogres in game two, I was pushed down to table six (ignore the big ol' 8 in the middle of the table) to face Orcs and Goblins. The scenario involved racing three messengers across the board, dodging enemies and leaving the enemy board edge in one piece. You could get an extra 150 victory points if you escaped with more messengers than your opponent, but I'll spoil the ending. We only got to turn 3, which is not physically enough turns for the messengers, with their 8" movement, to make it across the board. Time did get away from us a bit this game, which was a shame, but the game still produced some hilarious and disastrous moments. 

My opponent deployed a rock lobber on the left hill, guarded by three trolls. A big unit of Savage Big 'Uns took up intimidating residence in the centre of the board, accompanied by a level 2 Shaman with (wait for it...) the Lucky Shrunken Head. A friend of mine runs this unit regularly and I fear it! A level one goblin shaman was tucked inside the unit as well. He was originally deployed on his own, but I explained to my opponent how Slugtongue's curse works, and he wisely changed his mind, sneaking in with the savages to avoid getting smoked by Mr Virus Bomb. Next was five boar boys and ten spider riders. I was surprised by how much he was spreading out, particularly with his trolls and their distinct lack of proximity to his general. That being said, I deployed my trolls next to my general every game, and it didn't seem to help...

My battle formation followed the trend of the tournament, being particularly aware of the threat posed by his artillery. He managed to sneak the Rock Lobber outside of Slugtongue's bubble of death, which meant I would have to run up and hit it with a blunt object in order to mitigate the significant damage I knew it could cause. The two sphinxes in the middle of the table were impassable, which meant there would be three lanes of movement and offence. This offered some valuable flank defence for both of us, but restricted my multiple units a little more than I would like. I finally got the master combination of Death Magic in Soulblight (a personal favourite of mine) and Purple Sun. Perfect! Soulblight would counter the naturally high strength of Orcs and the low initiative of the army only amplified the brutality of Purple Sun. My opponent rolled up Headbutt (which had me genuinely concerned for Slugtongue's health and wellbeing) and Gaze of Mork, backed up by Vindictive Glare on his Goblin. The Curse of the Famine Fiend did zero wounds, so my opponent began. 

In true, unreliable Orc & Goblin fashion, his trolls failed Stupidity and tripped over their own overgrown feet, while the spider riders failed animosity and pulled off a heroic first turn charge on my not-so-safe hounds, who were soundly beaten and subsequently run down. 

The Savage Orc shaman went straight on the offensive, casting both Gaze and Headbutt on Slugtongue, but I dispelled Headbutt and Gaze fell short by an inch!

The first disaster struck my opponent, when the goblins manning the Rock Lobber got into a shoving match until one of them was thrown headlong into the mechanisms by the Slaver, the whole machine malfunctioning and destroying itself. This was a stroke of unbelievable luck for my Beastmen, who made the most of it by advancing cautiously, being respectfully concerned about the horde of hulking, naked berserkers. My left trolls moved up to redirect, while my right trolls continued the trend of dozing off on the job. 

Luck continued to favour me, when my magic phase attracted eleven plague bearers to the battlefield, materialising directly in front of the Savage Orcs. My plan was to cast Purple Sun, but the new unit obstructing it's intended path persuaded me to settle with Soulblight on the terrifying regiment. 

The orcs, having had enough of manoeuvring and tactics, decided it was well and truly time to hit some things with blunt objects. The Plaguebearers crumbled under the sheer force of the charge, and the Savages left their flanks wide open in their enthusiasm for violence. His now-very-lonely trolls slammed into my hounds, crushing them with ease and barrelling down the hill toward the central brawl. And lastly, his Boar Boys ran my Razorgor off the field, showing enough composure to reform and face my trolls, who were still enthralled by the Sphinx in all its sculptured glory. 

My turn was largely uneventful, still hesitant to commit to combat against a full-strength unit of raging, green barbarians. Instead, my left Razorgor and chariot slammed into his trolls, crushing them with combat resolution. It was all for naught though, when he rolled double ones. You can't fight luck. I tried casting Purple Sun, but on five dice I think I rolled a total of eight...

Left with few options, the Savage Orcs and Boar Boys each charged a flank of the dopey trolls who had done nothing all game. The goblin shaman, having detached from the Orcs earlier in the game, cast Vindictive Glare on my other unit of trolls who shrugged it of with little more than an uncaring belch. The Goblin may have drawn too heavily upon his magical abilities however, suffering a wound while the Shrunken Head saved the Orc shaman from any negative effects from the arcane backlash. Then Lady Luck truly turned her back upon my opponent. While my Trolls managed to kill three boar boys, his savage orcs and boar boys, on the charge, in both flanks and with the added bonus of chopped, only snuck through four wounds. And I rolled snakes. His main regiment was held in place with the rest of my army staring at their backs. 

My Gors charged his flank, my other trolls in the rear, and the carnage began. Soulblight was cast irresistibly, Slugtongue dodging harm by blasting three nearby Gors, but that was a price I was willing to pay for the spell. Between my Gors and the four remaining trolls, I slaughtered the last two boar boys and ten savages while taking little damage in return thanks to Soulblight and the distinct lack of Choppas, and not being able to bring his attacks down upon the more fragile Gors. The Savages broke and were easily run down. The Razorgor and Chariot on the left finally dealt with his last troll, leaving only the Spider Riders alive, who had spent the whole game hunting down and slaying the rather useless and ill-fated Messengers. 

It was at this point that time was called for the round, and I claimed a convincing win that in all fairness was in no credit to me. Things just came up Beastmen right from the start, from his malfunctioning war machine to the materialising Plaguebearers and my trolls rolling snake eyes to pin him in place. Lady Luck was my MVP. 16-4.